Accentuate the Positive

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There are those type of people who make lemonade from lemons and then there are the "Debbies" of the world. "Debbie" was a former co-worker who could find the negative in any situation. If it was someone's birthday, she was allergic to chocolate and couldn't have a piece of the celebratory cake. If she received a bonus in her paycheck, it didn't really help, it was going straight to pay off bills. When there was a minor problem that was no more than a blip on the radar of the rest of the office, Debbie could spin it into a catastrophe the size of Hurricane Katrina. It was comical to some extent, but maddening to another. My secret nickname for her was Eeyore.

Initially, when I first met Debbie, I would try to empathize with her and attempt to help her see the silver lining to the cloud she thought constantly hung over her. That became old quite rapidly as anything that you added in the way of a positive response was met with another reason why life sucked. I started to avoid her like the plague. I didn't need her constant whining and negativity in my life. When we are surrounded by those who bemoan every minute disappointment it brings us down to that level. No one needs that.

When I first began reading fitness/wellness/weight loss blogs last November, I could almost instantly identify the "Debbies" in the community. They were the ones who were constantly saying things like, "I messed up again. How could I eat an entire box of Krispie Kreams in one sitting?!!!" My approach, just like when I met my co-worker was to leave a positive response, "Get back on the horse, this is just a minor misstep." After hearing the same things again and again, I wished I could take hold of their shoulders and give them a good shake. (While shouting, "Why did you buy a box of KrispieKreams in the first place!" ) Likely, even if I could have, it wouldn't have helped. More often than not, the Debbies of the world get some reward from complaining. Maybe it is sympathy that they crave. Maybe it is the forgiveness of their "sins" that they want. Either way, Debbies take, but rarely give back.

Several times on this blog I've shared an approach that my favorite professor in college, Dr. Hurst, taught me. It's the "What are you going to do about it approach?" This is where you ask Mr. or Ms. Whiny Pants what they are planning to do to make the situation right. Generally, this shuts them up quick. If you're lucky, they will take action, if not, it's their turn to avoid YOU like the plague. Either way, you win.

Recently, I shared with a few of the friends I've made in the blogging community my approach to dealing with the "Debbies" in the blogosphere. I simply stopped following their blogs. This may seem harsh, after all, we often blog to reach out for support. I'm not talking about the occasional mention of a problem, I'm talking post after post describing ad nauseam the daily trials of their life. IMO, if an individual consistently complains and doesn't take action, our support is never going to be enough. That individual has to make a conscious decision to change. The blogging community may be a crutch for them, but it might also be the very thing that fans their negativity fire.

The Debbies in the world are blind to the concept of accentuating the positive and our constant gestures to help them open their eyes can take a toll on us as well. I'm happy to point them in a positive direction, but only once or twice. After that, it's their responsibility to decide which path they plan to take.

How do you handle negative people? Do you find my tough love approach too harsh or can you see the logic I use?

A Little Help From My Friends

When it comes to leading a healthy lifestyle, some days are more difficult than others. These are the times when I have to have those little talks with myself about what is important and what I can do without, what I should do vs. what I feel like doing. A sample of a conversation with myself might sound something like this:

Do you want the immediate gratification that the drive thru offers or can you wait until you get home to whip up an omelet and maybe a quick salad on the side? You know you are going to feel crummy (and guilty!) if you eat that burger and fries.

I'll admit, there are days when the answer to the questions I ask myself are not the ones I should be giving. That's when I have to pull out the big guns and start calling on the voices of some of the friends I've made through blogging. For instance, on days when I don't feel like exercising I might ask myself, what would Chris from A Deliberate Life say to that? When Chris was over 100 lbs overweight it hurt just to walk, she reports on her blog that her feet would feel as though they were burning. But she still went out there and got in her activity for the day. It's that kind of attitude that led to her success.

When my heart isn't into my workout and I'm only giving about 50%, I start to think about Bobbie from Anonymous Fat Girl. If Bobbie had that kind of attitude she'd never realize her goal of doing a pull-up.

Oh, and there are those days when I use age as an excuse. Woe is me, I'm over 40 and I have osteoarthritis, pull out the violins everyone! I know Jody from Truth 2 Being Fit would set me straight. At 52, Jody has a body that the average 21-year-old would kill for and she didn't get it by sitting on the couch watching The Today Show and sipping coffee. She gets her (toned) booty to the gym and works her tail off.

I get a nudge from Gina, aka The Candid RD, on mornings when I hear the blueberry muffins from the neighborhood bakery calling my name. I can almost hear Gina saying that muffins are glorified cupcakes and I might want to rethink that option, maybe some Greek yogurt with blueberries instead.

When I think I can't push out a few more reps during my strength training routine I channel my inner Roy, personal trainer and all-around wise man, to motivate me to give it all I've got. Dr. J, wouldn't let me give in either, he'd explain the virtues of not allowing yourself to be ordinary.

There are those times when I find myself thinking that the words "delicious" and "healthy" can't possibly come together in the same sentence. That's when I call on my friend Tami to dispense some advice. Tami didn't lose dress size after dress size by eating things that taste like cardboard, she created her own healthy versions of her favorite meals.

Finally, mental health is just as important as physical health. In any given year I'm likely to have several occasions when there is more on my plate than I can possibly deal with alone. That's when I hear my friend Genie's voice. Genie would advise me, laugh when it hurts too much to cry. Genie can find the humor in just about any situation.

The Beatles had it right, I get by with a little help from my friends.

If Your Health Were a Business

The world has watched as the BP oil spill has reeked havoc on the ecosystems of the creatures living in the waters off the Gulf. We've seen thousands of men and women lose their livelihoods as a result. Tourism in the affected areas has dwindled to a slow trickle. Many of the businesses that rely on summer tourism to maintain their bottom line have gone under as a result. Perhaps some of this turmoil could have been avoided if the oil industry had been proactive, anticipated possible scenarios and developed a plan of action for each. The same line of reasoning could be applied to the way we approach our health. If your health were a business, would you be in the Fortune 500 or filing bankruptcy?

Too often we take our health for granted. We may not be in tip top condition, but we are surviving. But much the way a business will fail if those in charge don't anticipate problems, our bodies will fail us if we don't take precautionary measures to avoid health problems. Let's say for example that you owned a sporting goods store, would you wait until June 1st to consider placing an order for golf supplies, swimsuits or fishing gear? Of course not. You would certainly have made arrangements to have those items in your inventory prior to the arrival of the season when there would be a high demand for those items. Sadly, many individuals don't apply the same logic to their health. Often, action isn't taken until a crisis occurs.

Take a moment and answer these questions:

Do you make cardiovascular fitness a priority?

Have you had your cholesterol levels checked recently? How about your blood pressure?


When was the last time you did any type of strength training?


How many fruits and vegetables did you eat yesterday?


Is your pantry filled with empty calories like cookies, chips and candy or is it full of brown rice, beans and tomato based products?


How do you manage your stress?

Do you discuss your problems with others or ponder solutions during a long walk?


When emotions get the best of you, do you drown your sorrows with alcohol or food?

Have you vowed to start taking better care of your health, but never got around to following through?

The answers to these questions play a large role in determining the success or failure of your health. Are you proactive or just keeping your head above water? Your health is your business and you are the CEO.

Today, I am a Ma'am

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A few years ago my son got his first job waiting tables at a new diner in our area. The morning of his first day on the job I gave him what I consider an excellent piece of advice regarding customer service. More specifically, I gave him a bit of advice about waiting on his female customers. I told him, regardless whether a woman appears to be 21 or 81, if you want to get a good tip, avoid calling her "ma'am". Ladies over 35, am I right? If I get a "Ma'am" could I get you another cup of coffee?" my first thought is something decidedly less Christian than, "What an attentive server!" To me the word, "ma'am" always conjured up images of a woman whose hobbies revolved around yarn. A homebody whose idea of a night out was heading to Bob Evans at 4:30 for a Knife and Fork Sandwich followed by reruns of Touched by an Angel.

The way I see it, being a "ma'am" is a state of mind. You can only be a one if you feel like one. I don't recall the first time I was referred to as a "ma'am", but I do remember the first time I felt like a "ma'am"-Tuesday, August 10th, 2010. After a stressful week that included fewer workouts, less sleep and more eating on the run than I'd done in years, I woke up Tuesday morning feeling as tired as I had when I'd laid down the previous evening. Several cups of coffee and a cool shower didn't help. My magnifying mirror only added to my misery. (Curse the inventor of the 5X magnification mirror!) Even my BFF, Cover Girl Advanced Radiance, couldn't cover the dark circles and bags under my eyes. I felt exhausted and completely stressed out. What went through my head? "OMG, today, I became a ma'am!" Until that moment, in my own little world, I was still a "Miss", but lifestyle choices over the previous week transformed me into a "ma'am" in the blink of an eye. Stress can cause us to make all sorts of sacrifices to our health at the very time when we most need to be mindful of our well-being.

I didn't bother finishing my make-up or hair that morning, but I did slip into one of my favorite summer dresses and headed to the grocery store to buy a cart full of healthy choices. With family coming to town for a visit, my son starting back to school in a matter of days and my oldest brother in the hospital, I knew the coming week would be no less stressful. I needed to arm myself with some healthy choices. Lots of produce went into that cart, including some of the overpriced pre-cut veggies. There would be no excuse for not eating right this week and one week of buying the pre-cut produce was not going to force me into financial ruin. That night I went to bed early and in the morning I worked out with one of my besties and our trainer. The two of them always make me laugh. Is there a better stress reliever than hanging out with friends and enjoying a few laughs? I think not.

There have been times in my life when I let stress invade my life like a parasite, but no more. When stress raises its ugly head, I'm ready to kick its butt. I refuse to let stress turn me into a "Ma'am."

Pilates Basics

Raise your hand if you want to develop a flat midsection, strong back and a long, lean look. If that is your goal, pilates is the workout for you. It's also perfect for anyone who is recovering from an injury because it is done completely on the floor. As a matter of fact, the creator of pilates developed the exercises to help dancers recover from injuries. I was thrilled when I was contacted by America's Nutrition and given a chance to review their Deluxe Pilates Kit.

The kit came packaged in a bag and included everything to get started:




The kit is lightweight and everything comes packaged in a mesh bag that makes it perfect for anyone who travels frequently and doesn't want to forgo their workouts while on the road. The mat can be rolled up and comes with a strap attached if you want to use it for a group fitness class at a gym.




The workout goes through the 10 basic exercises that are the foundation of all pilates workouts. An important thing to keep in mind is that positioning of the body if fundamental to getting the most out of your pilates workout. The instruction provided is clear and easy to follow and the instructor, Hilary Burnett, is very pleasant. (Come on, admit it, we've all done videos or attended classes where the instructor's perkiness got on our last nerve!)

If you are new to pilates, this is a good introduction. If you have been practicing pilates for a while but would like a refresher on getting the most from your workout, you can't go wrong here.

As someone who suffers with osteoarthritis, some days my joints can't take a traditional workout with weights. On those occasions, what my body is asking for is a good stretch. Pilates is a great workout because the muscles are stretched as well as strengthened by performing the exercises.

Have you tried pilates yet?

Quit for Yourself/Quit for Them

This is what it looks like after surgery to remove a portion of your lung.

The very disturbing image above is from a website called Why Quit, a site dedicated to the memory of those lost to lung cancer. This photo is not nearly as gruesome as the vivid memory I have of my father's incision when a portion of his lung was removed in the spring of 1983. I was a senior in high school at the time and just getting ready to graduate. Instead of going to graduation parties that summer I was visiting my father in the hospital. My mother was told that an optimistic life expectancy was 2 years.

My father, like many men of his generation was a smoker. In the 1950's and 60's when he was a young adult it was fashionable to smoke. As a small child growing up in the late 1960's and early 70's I have clear memories of my aunts smoking while they were pregnant. In family photos of holiday events every adult seems to be holding a lit cigarette. There was buzz at that time that smoking could cause cancer, but nicotine's highly addictive properties surely made quitting an enormous challenge.

The ironic thing about my father being diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 49 is that he so often lectured his 6 children about the health hazards involved with smoking. Although he quit and started up again and again, he begged us not to make the same mistake. As a matter of fact, he offered each of us $100, to be given on our 18th birthdays, if we never as much as took a puff of a cigarette. For a blue collar worker who insisted on a private school education for each of his children, $100 was a large sum of money to part with. I received my reward on March 28, 1983. My father was diagnosed just weeks later.

My oldest brother, David, never received his $100 reward. He chose, as many teenage boys do, to try smoking for a short time. As many of you already know, David was diagnosed with metastasized lung cancer this past October. Like my father, he had just turned 49. By the time he was diagnosed, the cancer had spread to his hips, spine and some of his lymph glands. He was given 6-9 months to live. This past week marked the 9th month.

My once energetic, talkative brother sat nearly motionless as I drove him to his radiation treatment a few weeks back. Once muscular, David has lost over 35 lbs since his diagnosis. His physical appearance resembles in many ways that of an AIDS patient in his or her final days. He looks gaunt, his clothing hangs from his body, he walks with a limp. Gone is his sense of humor. It now takes all of his energy to form sentences. He spends most of his days sleeping to escape the pain.

On the drive to the hospital that afternoon, David, a self-confessed workaholic, said something that will haunt me for as long as I live. He said that he asked God to take him if he can no longer be productive. He went on to start a sentence with the words, "If I had lived..." I didn't hear anything after that. It was clear to me that, in his mind, he was already gone. In that moment, I lost the vibrant brother I once knew.

The fun uncle that brought my sugar-starved kids a brown grocery bag filled with candy every Christmas died that day, not in body, but in spirit. I know that it is only a matter of time before he is truly gone. I know that I'll never tease him again about the enormous mound of mashed potatoes that he piles on his plate every Thanksgiving. I know that he won't be there to shake my son's hand when he graduates from college. I know he won't be there to share a dance with my daughter on her wedding day or kiss the cheeks of her unborn children. Those special moments in the future will be markedly less sweet without him.

Smoking doesn't just have the potential to take the life of the one with the cigarette in hand, it affects everyone who loves that person. When David passes, everyone who cares for him will lose a significant piece of the future. The future that might have been.

Please, if you smoke, quit today, don't wait for one last cigarette. Don't vow to quit tomorrow or next week, today is tomorrow. Quit for yourself, but also quit for everyone whose lives could be forever changed if you don't.

Golden Nuggets

Every once in a while I receive a piece of advice or hear a line or phrase that I take with me and use as inspiration. While these nuggets of wisdom may not seem to be related to fitness or wellness at first glance, look closer, many of them apply.



From my Dad:

There are always two ways to approach a challenge, the easy way and the hard way. Most of the time you need to take the harder path, that is path that leads to happiness and success.



From the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch (The video below is well worth watching) :

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.






From Mrs. Gorman, my 8th grade teacher:

It's better to be 15 minutes early than 3 seconds late.




From Dr. Hurst who taught a class called "Problem Solving" in my junior year of college:

If you are dealing with someone who constantly complains, ask them this question: "What do you plan to do about it?" They will either take action or shut up. Either way, you win.




From my Mom:

If you know you are expected to do something, stop complaining and just do it!




From my sister:

Sometimes people learn the most from doing something that makes them uncomfortable.




A quote from Maya Angelou:

When you know better, you do better.




From my friend Chris after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis:

I could ask myself "why me", but why not me?




From Dr. Marzulio, my political science professor in college. I received my first "B" in college in his class (I'm still bitter!):

You have an "A" going into the exam, but you could blow it. Expect that this test is going to be a doozy. (Foreshadowing at its best!)




Tag, you're it. Even if you have never commented on this blog or want to do so anonymously, please share the best bit of advice or a golden nugget of information so valuable that it taught you a lesson you will never forget. We are never to old to learn a new lesson.