Whenever I'm forced to wait in line at the grocery store or pharmacy, I like to play a little game of "What's Going on Here?" You have probably played this game yourself. As the person ahead of you in line places each of their selections on the belt, you examine the items and draw conclusions about the life you imagine that he or she leads. The elderly woman with a small bunch of bananas, a loaf of white bread and a package of boiled ham might be a widow who eats the same meal for lunch and dinner 5 nights a week just to make life easier. The creepy guy with the lavender shirt, tossing a rubber snake, a bottle of Mr. Bubble and a pack of Tick Tacks on the belt has plans that you'd prefer not to know. It's fun, it's harmless, it kills time.
A few months ago, I hit the grocery store on a Friday night to beat the crowd and geared up to play a round of my harmless past time while in line behind a young woman. Her cart was full of the types of foods that small children beg for, Captain Crunch, generic Oreos, Doritos and root beer. I imagined the woman's children waiting impatiently at home for Mom to return home with snacks to gobble up while watching a Disney movie, asking their father how much longer it would be every 3.5 seconds. Then I took a better look. The woman's hair was disheveled. She was wearing a baggy gray sweat shirt and a pair of wrinkled jeans that looked like they may have been plucked from a pile of dirty laundry. Her hair was falling out of the elastic band that held her loose pony tail. There was no wedding band on her left hand. While she appeared to be in her late 20's or early 30's there was already a deep wrinkle running vertically between her brows, maybe from years of holding her stress inside. The story just changed.
She continued to place the last of her purchases on the belt as the smiling cashier asked if she found everything she'd been looking for. Distracted, it took her a few seconds to register that she'd been asked a question. I imagined that she was thinking about everything that she needed to get accomplished while her children were staying with their father for the weekend. When she arrived home there would be a week's worth of laundry to wash and sort, a house to clean, bills to pay. Perhaps she was feeling a twinge of guilt that she was thankful that the kids wouldn't be in her way, making a new mess in place of the one she'd just cleaned. Maybe, if she finished everything by Saturday evening she could reward herself with the bag of Doritos and a can of that root beer that was in her cart and watch some mindless reality show. It would be the highlight of her week.
As the woman left the store with her cart of groceries, I made a silent prayer for her. I hoped that my analysis of her situation was wrong and that she had a pleasant weekend to look forward to with family and friends and a little time for herself. Driving home from the store that evening I thought about how lucky I was to have a husband and children waiting at home. I'd be cleaning my house, paying bills and doing laundry over the weekend too, but my kids and husband could help me with those things if I couldn't get them done on my own. I'd have time to exercise. We had dinner plans with friends the next night. My backseat was filled with bags of healthy ingredients that would be the makings of our meals in the days to come.
I truly am blessed that I have options when I am feeling stress. My mother is just a phone call away, my husband is a great listener. There is a sand bag hanging in my workout room just waiting for me if I need to work out some frustration-and I'm not afraid to use it! I don't need to hold my stress in or use bags of snack foods or cookies to temporarily push it out of the way.
How do you manage your stress?
Karen, what a wonderful post, but oh so much in it.. really got me thinking.. thank you!!! We all don't really know what is going on with others lives....
ReplyDeleteStress, I hit the weights! OR, sometimes I watch one of my recorded guilty pleasure shows like my one soap opera or something like that.. easy watching.
Ah, it was a stressful week here last week. I try to exercise. It really does help. As does venting. And some stuff that stresses me I just have to tell myself not to worry about.
ReplyDeleteRunning is my new stress relief. I am so thankful to be able to put one foot in front of the other and sweat away my stress.
ReplyDeletei used to exercise
ReplyDeletebut im not handling the stress very well right now
im just trying to focus on my lil man right now
he makes me happy
I take kickboxing 4 days a week and nightclub cardio once a week. Nightclub cardio is my fun time. I just started C25K and I am loving the weightless feeling of treadmill running.
ReplyDeleteWhen my fella is stressed or if we need to have an in-depth conversation without distractions, we walk the park after work.
Another good stress buster for me is taking my tennis ball hopper to the court and slamming serves until my anger is gone.
Working at a grocery store, I'm sure you can imagine how many times I think those exact same thoughts. I look in people's carts all the time. Most of the time I don't always like what I see. I always want to say, "STOP! Let's sit and have a chat about these foods....let's figure out better ways to deal with stress". Or something like that. Like you, I am incredibly lucky to have the supportive family I have, and to be educated enough to lead a healthy and mostly stress-free life. It's something I may not always think about, but I appreciate the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI was smiling as I read the "story" of the checkout lane people. I do hope you're wrong about the generic oreos lady - sounds sad your way...
ReplyDeleteI have a whole range of things I do to manage stress - this list of 100+ things that make me happy is one of my go-to strategies. I started writing it during the most stressful period of my life...
http://lowstressweightloss.com/blog/relax/things-that-make-me-happy
This makes me sad but I also play the grocery game. I too consider myself very lucky that I have a great support system.
ReplyDeleteI do that too: make up stories about people from external clues and cues.
ReplyDeleteWe never really know, do we?
To have family, friends, a home, good food, etc..... is to be very rich indeed.
OK, to have a job, too, if necessary....
I just have to say this: My aunt and a friend joined my grandfather out for dinner one night. This was a friend of my aunt's who didn't know the family well.
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather on this particular evening was wearing his usual garb: old, old clothes and his shirt on this evening had a special feature -- it was torn.
My aunt's friend, convinced by my grandfather's appearance that he was in the poorhouse, insisted on paying for dinner because of this assumption based on his appearance.
My grandfather is a retired patent attorney who was married to a doctor and invested very, very well. I won't go into specifics, but the bottom line is: Appearances can be very misleading. :-)
its a wonderful post..i did hope someone would write out something like these...really
ReplyDelete